"I have not failed, I just found 10,000 ways that won't work"
-Thomas Edison
Friday, April 21, 2006
SADNESS
``engulfed her the moment they left her side. )=
sigh.
1st. i read her entry. sigh. u say u're hurt? then wad do u tink i feel? i agree we're both different people adn have different ways of expressing ourselves. but that is truly NO excuse for u to break our frenship. u have NO right to break my heart over and over again by the words u choose to sae. im hurt that u choose to believe sumone else & choose to leave me without allowing me to explain. i tot frenships are all about forgiving one another. i wasnt even mentioned. i truly was weighing on whether to get u sumtink. but changed my mind the last minute. it hurts me greatly that u made that choice. made the choice to believe i betrayed u. n for that i will NEVER forgive the gurl hu said it all to you. WHAT does she noe abt me? yet. yet u still choose to believe in her words. sigh. i pushed my ego aside & apologized for god-knows-what horrible tinks i did or said. yet. u CHOSE once more to lie n say our frenship resumed. again, u CHOOSE to allow her to come in between. i truly trusted you too. but u asked for too much. im only human. he is important to me too. u will never begin to undrstd the pain i went thru in those times. yet. i still forgive you coz deep dwn i noe itx my fault. everytink seems to be mine. & yet i never even asked you for your due. never. sigh.
why do people choose to see me as the one in the wrong. constantly. at the expense of my loved ones. even with him. people choose to see me as the one at fault. choose to see me as the root to all our problems. sigh. i truly do not know what is becoming of our relationship. truly. i admit i dun have the guts to tell you the truth. not because i simply enjoy keepin you in the dark but simply coz i noe wad you would say. for once, please listen to me. she will fall straight into your arms if you allow her to. i am jealous. of coz i am. this is not the first time. i am normal n i am feeling the same as any other gurl in my position. just tell me. tell me. why u see her alone? why u sit and talk to her when we have a fight? why do you devote so much attention to her? sometimes more than me. why? why is she that comfortable wit u at the expense of getting me to get u to pick her up? why does she know a deal more at you than me? why? why am i feeling this? for one simple reason. i lurve you n i never want to lose you again. we both changed. changed drastically. why do you choose to place all else above me? i cant seem to put my feelings to words. i am hurt. hurt that u have to act like him. act like you dont care anymore.
it was a mistake to ever try to make it work bcoz u will nvr even begin to undrstd the kind of person i am n that will never change. u touched my heart & soul yet u seem so much of a different man now. dun u care about us anymore? sigh. mayb itx just me. I"M the dumb, thoughtless, cruel gurlfren who never loved you.
itx in your thoughts.
leave me if u truly dun lurve me.
u dun deserve me.
am too down now to blog about anything else. just wanted to say probably wun be bloggin for the next few weeks or so. itx the exam period. totali not prepared. i feel like flunking it. coz i constantly fail. fail myself. fail others. coz thatx wad i am. a nobody.
