"I have not failed, I just found 10,000 ways that won't work"
-Thomas Edison
Thursday, March 02, 2006
im sick. i reli am. well. about time anyway. haha. been having these fevers n flu for the past few days. guess the stress n pressure n xpectations are getting to me. especially with those words that she said. THAT was the last straw.
reli couldnt take it when i heard them all say those stuff. they were slicing my heart into pieces. slowly. as though savouring every min of it. n it hurts. it hurts so bad i almost bawld in frnt of mr j. haixx. luckily i controlled myself n saved my tears just in time. he saw my eyes red. spilled it out n i felt a HUGE burden off my chest. it reli hurt when SHE said those words. itx as though i never cared for her. n we never had that bond. i suppose she forgot those times we went thru togeda. she spoke as though i was a failure. failure as a fren. failure as a leader. n those same sensations of being crushed the moment i stood up came back. im crumbling down again. n therex no one to save me any more. my heart is in pain as i relate this. i reli cared for her. y cldnt she see it? i admitted my mistake although i think i wasnt entirely at fault n **** muz have exaggerated bt stil. i swallowed my pride and apologised. wad more do u want? it kills me to hear those words n see that face. it was at the tip of my tongue to simply shoot back. u've hurt me deep n that scar will never be forgotten. never.
haixx. heard sm stuff abt him. sum said he was seeing sumone else bt i believe it isnt true coz i noe he truly loves me. bt therex this lil amt of doubt i have. haix. im reli sorie. i trust him. i reli2 do but sumtimes i doubt. haixx. im confused. i want to believe our love is real. i want to. i reli do. guess he doesnt undrstand that i NEED him. more than anyone else coz he comforts and reassures me but i suppose thatx an unknown fact? i need him. i reli do. i need attention. i need t.l.c. i need a crying shoulder and a listenin ear. haixx. but i undrstand. i have to understand. itx all about give and take. im being too selfish. but hey. it aint my fault he's cute right? *grinx*
tinking abt him makes me smile. it never fails esp wen i rbr those smiles we exchanged. it seems so long n i never want anything to ever end. i just hope we can pull thru this rough patch.
been having so many things to do despite my 'uninvolvement' in the sc anymore. so many things changed. so many people changed. i feel that i've failed and disappointd my self and many others. but letx not get into that. it'll only depress me further. haha.
sec 1 campx cumin along OK. reli hope eveythings fine. kindda feel that this guy is trying to hit on me. hahaha! but hex reli kiute so itx aight wif me. have a history t.a tomolow. one of our LAST TA!!!!! hooray! finally everythings ending! haha. nweix. would love to blog further but seriously my body's heating up n my monster flu is back. soo i betta go rez.
will blog nxt wk before camp mayb? coz i have ncc tomolow n sec 1 camp meetin on sat. take cr ya'll!
