"I have not failed, I just found 10,000 ways that won't work"
-Thomas Edison
Sunday, July 24, 2005
dear diary.....
:: dearez diary ::
I had flag day today..it was quite fun bt xtremely tiring..i paird up wit keciq (as usual) and aft arguing 4 so long...we decided to go PR intc..got at least 6 buckz frm d people dere...well itz bettr den nutink ryt...dere was diz man as old as my dad dat came up to me n donated n said... "u look beau-tiful" ahhaha... i was lyk woah...hehe...othr den dat...nutink xtra happnd...
Lately, my nytx have been getting worse..i slip den i wake up suddenly...with his face flashng eer sp brightly in my head...then i start crying...haix...itx lyk d same routine each nyt..damn! even hugging d bearx wun work...sigh...for how long muz diz go on? i rarely look at him in d face yet his smile is lyk permeneantly glued to my head..i refuse to see him yet my heart aches for dat look..haix..
No one will understand diz complicated love i feel for him..i want so much to burn all d picx we shared bt i noe rabia will kill me if i do..i want to erase him frm my lyf yet i noe no mattr wad i do e memories will stay wif me 4eva...maybe he 4got wad i said to him....i love u n owaes will no mattr wad........mayb he tot i was lying...bt one thingz for sure...i lurvd him more den he knew...i gave him my heart n soul...though it nvr seemd soo....mayb it was my fault....
haix...juz gave him a buzz juz noe ..told him to please take e picz back...i dun care wad he does wit it...i cant live seeing those photos!!!! itz enuf wad i have in my head...
in my lyf...i reali care abt 3 fwenx....amanda....rabia n fiz....but manda n rabia wantz 2 seperate guix for me....i dunnoe wad to do!!!!!!!!! help!!!
*all i wanna do is put my arms ard u n nvr let go*
sumtymx i tink my greatest mistake was letting u go...bt well...at least u're not lonely now....guez we're nvr meant to be...
2 guix said da same line to me....i suffrd a gr8 loss of u...............i felt as though i was missing a part of my lyf....hmm...izit a pick up line or did i reli do sumtink dat made them change??? hmm....
haix...i wish i nvr fell in love wit u....den i wun urve u now...i want so much for u to be happy n im glad u r...i juz wish i'd be happier for u...
